BEAVER
TESTICLE SPREAD
As the bible sayeth: "Put nuts onto others,
as you would have nuts put onto you."
Up and coming Canuck scrumhalf extraordinnaire Lanny found
the age old art of bagging to be a fickle mistress within
the space of just weeks recently.
Lanny is seen here in his bagging debut amusing the crowd
with the difficult "inverted hotdog" maneuver
while Welsh urine drinker Arwel pretends to be asleep.
Just weeks later a three hour bus trip back from the Hat
and Hotdog's defenses came crashing down and a set of old,
old balls on his head was his reward.
In a startling coincidence, the training session after
this incident saw Hotdog sporting a freshly shaven head.
It is unclear at this time whether Hotdog's new do was
the result of an attempt to get rid of the crabs now infesting
his hair or whether he was so impressed with the smooth
feel of the close-cropped sack placed on his head that he
decided to emulate it.
The Beaver will continue to investigate this peculiar case
of Stockholm Syndrome.
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RED HOT FAVOURITE DISQUALIFIED FROM OGILVY
TROPHY
AFTER
a near faultless campaign a brain snap in final two minutes
of the season has cost Jamie Irvine the inaugural Coling Ogilvy
Friend of Referees Award.
With
an insurmountable lead on the competition Irvine looked to
have the award sewn up heading into the season finale.
As
he has all season Irvine played a magnificent match in his
last for 2006.
Not
content to take an easy yellow card with his "blatant
punch in full view of the referee" calling card Irvine
set about making the referee hate him with some fine verbal
insubordination and an extended fight and seemingly had both
hands on the cup.
With
seconds left and the Canucks pressing the Rams' line Irvine
believed he had wrapped it up when he began tap dancing on
a Ram who had sealed the ball in the ruck, thereby giving
the referee a chance to reverse a certain Canuck penalty in
favour of the Rams and seemingly wrapping up the title.
Little
did Irvine know that a rucking penalty is not a real penalty
because rucking is fun and a core part of real, non-gay (read
North American) rugby and therefore an illegal penalty in
the Ogilvy award, disqualifying Irvine from the competition.
The
disqualification handed the trophy to coach Guy Beavers who
used his God-given English whinging powers to upset officials
and direct resentment towards his team from officials both
on and off the field.
Beavers
stepped it up a notch in his final match when running out
of officials and players to yell at he berated his substitutions
for poor water distribution.
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