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In
news that will enrage religious and ethical groups
around the globe the Beaver has exclusively discovered
the Canucks Rugby Club has broken international laws
surrounding human cloning. Following last year's exclusive
report that the club was considering cloning a team
of Pytka's The Beaver Probe now has damning
proof the club's shadowy overseers did in fact clone
Pytka.
The
whereabouts of the real Pytka are unknown but it is
blindingly
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obvious
that the current Pytka is not the original.
Compounding this crime against God's laws is the fact
that as many feared the human clone has serious defects
in its DNA.
Signs
things were wrong began when Pytka declined to attend
a rugby tournament because it "just didn't feel
like it".
This
set off alarm bells as The Beaver Press' source
knows the real Pytka does not experience "feelings"
or "emotions" but in its
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natural
state reacts to its surroundings in two ways: punch
it or drink it.
Statistics
also show a sharp decline in pancake and pizza restaurant
bashings, Ceilis workers run around rampamtly unpunched,
while the Canucks rugby club coaching staff have had
to shoulder an increasingly large burden conceding
penalties and coaxing yellow cards out of officials
while Pytka clones concentrate on "rugby".
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