Beaver report No.3 for 2005

**ANOTHER BEAVER EXCLUSIVE**

YOU'RE ALL FIRED!

The Beaver's sources have once again come through with yet another scoop for it's readers...and the news is not good. Following the disappointing results on the field the powers that be have reacted harshly and swiftly by dropping every player from next season's roster, except one. Pytka.

The Beaver has learned that said powers that be are not taking the traditional route in trying to bolster the Canucks' playing ranks by filling them with foreigners however. Scientists are currently at work on cloning Pytka to give the Canucks an injection of something badly lacking this season: anger.

I'm sure I'm not alone in saying that at certain times during Saturday's losses to Red Deer I cringed. But not all of my cringing was from things like 800 fucking first-half tries in thirds, but Pytka smashing poor hapless cunts.

This is an artist's impression of the new-look Canucks outfit. Looks good! The benefits will not only be on the field, can you imagine the money the club will make through beer sales at the clubhouse?
It should also make pubcrawls quite the interesting affair. Imagine the Ship and Anchor refusing the Canucks entry when 45 fueled up Pytka's turn up with a dozen eggs each. That'll learn em.

ONE IN EVERY CLUB - UPDATE

Is it any fucking wonder we are getting our arses kicked when blokes are more interested in giving each other back rubs than getting their heads into the game?

Tony Byrnes welcome to the Beaver's list of suspected homosexuals. You've earnt it pal.

THE EXLEY FILES

It's starting to look like the Beaver is just plain picking on the poor guy but the Beaver has been asked by a fellow Canuck to report the latest saga in Dave "Sexy" Exley's life. Sexy Exley has been accused of ditching the final Thirsty Thursday to go to "Wedding School". The Beavers' source on this was quite concerned that Sexy Exley is going to lessons on how to be married before he has walked down the aisle.

Said informant asked whether this behaviour was deserving of the final Beaver coat of the year but the coat is about foolishness that entertains your team mates, while Exley's behaviour makes me sad.