I don't know about the rest of you Canucks but the 2005 season has been one I have badly felt the absence of Beaver. As Beaver Editor I apologise that the first Beaver of 2005 comes a week before the finals and I hope you agree with me that some late Beaver is better than no Beaver at all. What is a rugby season without Beaver after all? With the highly original Double Entente's out of the way let's see where we are.

For anyone being introduced to the Beaver for the first time this section of the Canucks website is the members only section. Apart from providing complete freedom of expression the members only section is a members only section which means it is not open to the public which means members should not be providing wives, mothers etc with the password. Not providing non members with the password also includes broadcasting the fucking password over coolist, which in case you weren't aware goes to many more people than just the players.

ON THE FIELD

First division is now officially out of the race for the finals due to a misunderstanding with the new points system. Despite defeating the Rams on Wednesday, a win by my good mates the Hornets means first div have fallen short of the finals. Officials are looking into where the confusion surrounding the allocation of points. One area of major confusion was a mix up over who scores the most amount of points and who throws the most amount of punches. This was also closely linked wit a belief that the bonus point went to the side that conceded the most penalties. On the positive side of things the majority of first division players are eligible to play seconds; form permitting.

The mighty juggernaut that is second division is assured of a spot in the playoffs next week. Thanks to a mindboggling system that allows a club to forfeit a second division match but field a team for a third division match seconds will go another week without a match. Call me crazy but in my mind if a club can't field three teams when required it should have to fill the highest grades first, not stack the bottom grade so it can play finals. If you can't field a first div team then you should forfeit every fucking division for that round. Fuck every club that has forfeited against us when you have a great effort like Lethbridge who came up with one squad, busted their arses in thirds, handed us the second div points because of the danger of injuries and then tough it out on the field just to give us some game time. Fuck you Hornets, Saracens, Irish, Rams and Saints. I'm a proud Beaver Editor over the fact that the Canucks have met every match commitment asked of them this season.

Which brings us with a third div team looking pretty healthy in the talent stakes as they go head to head with the Irish for the final place in the finals. Under the steady leadership of big Mike the thirds are in a position to give us two teams in the finals and therefore double the reason to pour massive amounts of fuel down our throats after they humble the shit "I have a headache, I don't want to play rugby tonight" Irish.

Ah the sniff of a grand final makes me want to crack a beer right now. Actually that's a sweet idea. Cheers boys, mmm Wildcat. I remember the last grand final I went to. Actually I remember arriving and a bit of the first half, blur, hang on I'm standing on a hill, blur, okay now the game is over and we lost, blur, I'm on the bus singing a song, blur, at work choking back a spew. I love grand finals. And fuel, I love fuel.

HIDE YOUR ASSESTS AND PREPARE THE DIVORCE PAPERS

I'm sure some of you have heard of a Mad Monday or something similar. Basically saying goodbye to the season once the last division has been knocked out or claimed the trophy by shirking all responsibilities (family, work, health, financial) and punishing the liver in celebration of another fine season. In a new addition to the social gold that is the Canucks the Beaver brings you No Undie Sundie. To translate an "Undie" is slang for underpants or underwear. I will give no further hints apart from this image to the right of the last No Undie Sunday I attended and what happens to those who don't follow the rules. It may help the slow ones work out what the main rule of No Undie Sundie. Sundie is Sunday made to rhyme with Undie.

So gentlemen if you could please inform you loved ones promptly that some Sunday very soon you will be required to attend a quiet club reflection on a season that was. You don't know the venue just yet and no you don't need to pack a lunch as food and refreshments will be available at the venue. Fuel Up.