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THE BEAVER BUGLE
 Post Season , 2007

**PLASTIC SURGERY MADNESS CONTINUES**

COACH'S FRANKENSTEIN GROIN,
WIMP PUTS ON BRAVE FACE

THE bizzarre behaviour of Canucks coach Wayne King has reached unprecedented levels with accusations of botox injections to his groin.

Already the subject of rumours regarding buttock augmentation to fit into increasingly smaller and creepier shorts, the latest accusations are set to rock the club, as King's behaviour becomes more strange by the day.

Beaver sources have given first-person accounts of Canuck tight-short wearing patriarch, Larry Jones, recommending his surgeon to perform the operation.

Exactly what the operation entailed has yet to be uncovered, but sources report that Jones' surgeon is renowned for the controversial "egg-shell smooth" botox injections to the testicles, which is all the rage in Los Angeles currently.

King's behaviour has became increasingly erratic as the season progressed, including calling players while intoxicated and declaring to be in love with them and sporting a woman's fur coat to the provincial final.

At training sessions King was reported to have demanded that one player "*** on his ass" during a seemingly normal mauling drill.

Players were also forced to endure violent homoerotic movies on bus trips featuring muscular men in jocks and capes penetrating each other.

As the champion of the people the Beaver will continue to follow King's reign of terror closely as this story continue to unfold.

DESPERATE to shake off his image as a harmless doormat, Nathan "Killer" Kilroy is the latest Canuck to fall under the surgeon's knife in a bid to toughen up his soft image.
Reeling from the embarrassment of his girlfriend having to beat people up for him while cross-dressing at a prominent Calgary nightspot, an emotional Kilroy recently stormed into the plastic surgeon's office and demanded a "Pytka".
Pytka, a prominent chick magnet and exponent of the bicep kiss, has long been a figure looked up to by those members of the club who had their lunch money stolen at school and his continued evolution into a pirate has

prompted a craze in which doctors remove perfectly good teeth and insert fake head scars in an attempt to toughen up the image of patients.

The fake tooth also becomes a handy way of emphasizing a point when thrown into people drinks or displayed to potential agressors who may otherwise believe a Canuck forward has any respect for the state of his head.

 

King is pictured here putting his team through buttock-strenghthening exercises purportedly designed to distract rival players.