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MATT DAMON FUCKS THE CANUCKS AGAIN!
With most of the crew having set sail, the Canucks foolishly asked the crowd for another boat race member rather than having one man double up.Cue Matt Damon to drink at the pace he thinks and scuttle the chances of victory for the Canucks, thus proving that fetal alcohol syndrome does not necessarily impart drinking prowess. The Canucks were not to be denied their glory however. Damon was spotted early in the tournament sporting a diaper, having convinced a handful of shit-Hornet team mates that he'd packed a hilarious costume for them, and not that his mum insisted on stapling one to his generous arse before being allowed out of the house. While club numbers were down for this year's tournament, the spirit was not, as the Canucks took to the field in their second match against an equally fueled-up Lethbridge side. It was at this stage that Lethbridge were bribed with a free try if they would ask Damon to take the field for them and eager discussions were held between the Canucks about how to handle this fortuitous opportunity. As Damon was injected into the fray, the call "Matt Damon" echoed from the mountains upon his first touch of the ball and nine hardy souls fell upon their prey, leaving 7/11 the Pirate to handle the rest of the opposition. Opting to avoid any foul play or malicious wounding, Damon found himself pinched, tickled and purple nurpled like the little bitch he is and soon fled the field. The scriptwriters were at work as a barnstorming second half saw the Canucks draw even in the dying minutes to set up the most honourable of overtimes: the boat race. No land lubber can match the a pirate in a boat race as the Canucks cruised to victory before Lethbridge's fifth sculler could lift his glass!
THE CREW 2007
7/11 the Pirate. WHY IS HE CALLED 7/11? BECAUSE HE NEVER CLOSES!
(LEFT TO RIGHT) Trysexual, Who's That?, China Doll, Captain Blackout and Puppy
THE BEAVER COAT
Becoming first among imbeciles in this fine crew was always going to be an honour of the last degree and another newcomer to the Coat stepped up. White Flag the Pirate decided that "the man's" rules such as roads and drink driving were for the birds and tore into the campgrounds along his own path, closely followed by the police after complaints from normal people. As the main body of the crew entered the campsite they were greeted by White Flag showing the two officers his command of profanity in both the English and French languages. Meanwhile families gathered children under their arms and fled to safer pastures as White Flag intimidated the law with claims he would call his lawyer. The possibility of speaking to a second French person kept the police off guard, coupled with the fact the cops didn't see him doing donuts through campsites while flying a "le massive" pirate flag, kept him out of the clink and with only a confiscated license for 24 hours. White Flag would fail for the second night to capture a busty wench despite his extensive knowledge of French whine. Come Sunday, White Flag was left with the problem of what to do until able to pick his license up. The Solution: get drunk again, drive around and eventually smash off his sunroof while entering an underground parking lot. He would have the last laugh as late on Sunday night when he was spied by the officer he had clashed with previously: Touche |
